Out of body Experience to a Nightmare, Finally Expectance

It all started back in December of 2015, I was sitting in front of the computer, friends signing up for various races and my body and mind separated, I reached for my credit card and I signed up for something that wasn't on the list, wasn't even a plan for this year but something came over me. My brain screaming, WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!!!! This is suicidal, this is just beyond what is even considered normal by ultra standards. After I hit the accept button, I realized what I have just done and I had a sense that everything will be just fine. I know technically how to make it happen but can I put everything in motion to make this happen.

There is was I was signed up for Fat Dog 120 the weekend before Squamish 50/50. As if I thought Squamish wasn't hard enough last year I've just made it exponentially harder this year for myself. I must must love must making things hard for myself.

In the following months no matter how hard I worked, I realized the nightmare that I had created for myself. I had trouble with everything, until finally 3 weeks before the big date, I made the heart wrenching decision to drop to the 70miler. This is something I have never done. So follow me along this journey to see what happened.

I was up in the Manning Park area on Thursday just chilling out with friends, knowing now I just had to believe in myself and hopefully not get into a bad head space during the run. Some good food and friends go a long way and the night before the race I was invited to stay with Sean & company at the cabin he rented.

Race morning I was up and out the door with my somewhat lighter pack then usual and waiting for the bus ride to the start line. There was a lot of energy building up with all the runners. The ride up I chit chatted with fellow crazies and just through about the day ahead with no idea what I would discover about myself during the next 27ish hours.

At the start line checked in and chatted with friends who had support crew bring them to the start line. I was just itching to get going finally Heather said go and I placed myself at my usual spot at the back of the pack. The first couple hours nothing really exciting was happening, just taking in the views and chatting with fellow runners. As time when on I felt as two guardian angels had landed on my shoulders, I don't know if these guys were thinking of me while I was out there or my brain just needed to have friends along for the ride but it felt like 2 amazing ultra runners were with me from this point on, Sammy & Tim. As they provided words of encouragement in my head, I came across a fellow runner named Debra. We had an amazing chat about just everything for the 3 maybe 4 hours that we were together, thank you Debra for your company.

At this point it felt as my sister, H, had joint Sammy & Tim in spirit. And it felt like I had my cheering team set for the rest of the run. And as soon as I turned a corner I ran into Laddie, an ultra tough woman. We got to chat for a bit as we caught up to Bengi who had fallen and dislocated his finger, I don't do well with when it looks like a finger is about to fall off, lucky he had Meg and another runner to encourage him to the aid station. Even with what Benji when through he was making progress again and leaving me in the dust. Shortly after Laddie also pulled away, and Debra passed me as well. I was remembering my last time I was here, 2 years ago barely able to walk sweeps caught up to me and felling like my race was over. But this time I had my spirit angels to make proud so I kept trekking along even though it was hot, too hot for me anyways.

In at Cause Flats, saw Bengi who was in excellent spirits. I quickly took care of what I needed to and got out. The next section I knew was a tough section and in the heat I was reduced to a crawl. Nothing really exciting happened except I did run into Willa & Kyle. Meg and I got into Cascades almost the same time. It was a fairly lengthily pit stop but I felt re-energized. I thanked everyone one before heading back out on the the road section.

The next couple hours weren't anything too special, I was in an amazing head space, with my guardian angels. I power hiked with Julie, whom I met at Gottfried's party the week before, she remember me but I didn't remember her, sorry Julie, but it was nice to have you for company for that section. Surprisingly there weren't a lot of bugs that bit me, maybe the were full from feeding off Debra, she told me that she's delicious.

I get into Shawatum and see a couple friendly faces, Gareth, Bayly & Dustin. Bayly took really good care of me and I even had a medic have a look at one of my toes that's been hurting since before Nicomen Lake. He was pretty sure it wasn't broken but taped it up to keep the swelling down.

I headed out and shortly saw saw 2 headlamps coming back, Gareth was done, but his loss turned out to be my gain. Dustin asked if I wanted a pacer and I was like sure. It will be like old times. We power hiked and ran sections of this trail. Time flew because we got into a pretty heavy conversation about life and he provided some power insight into some of the things I've been going through the past several years. I won't get into the details, but something he said that I needed to hear felt like being punched in the gut. The pain was very short lived but the sadness of what he said was carried forward from that moment on, has been eating away at me. Thanks Dustin for your honestly, it really helped put things into perspective even though it has caused some sadness in my life. I know I can always count on your help. Our conversation also made this section go my so quickly that I was in an hour ahead of schedule. This gave me extra time to really re-fuel as much as possible since I was having trouble getting calories in with the heat.

After leaving Skyline aid station things were still going well for me, all until about an hour into the climb, maybe a little less. All the malnutrition during the day had caught up and I was feeling done for but Dustin keep my spirits up. Although the memory from this point on was a little foggy, I do remember having a nice sit down to eat and watching the stars, some whiskey at Camp Mowich and a lot of laying down on the ground feeling like I was going to die. At sky junction I fueled up the best I could for the final push to the finish line.

My climbs were very slow and things weren't going my way. I kept thinking that I wasn't going to make cutoff but Dustin kept it positive. Once we were past the last climb and knew it was all downhill, he made me chase him all the way down. He'd run ahead and I'd slowly catch up and we repeated that until the last couple kilometers.  At this time we both knew I was finishing within the cutoff and he gave me some much needed breaks. 

As we came across the other side of the lake, I started getting really emotional. I knew that I wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for Dustin. He told me to hold it together and run across the finish line. I felt like I sprinted across but it was most likely a funny looking hobble. 

Even though I should of been happy that I finished, part of me was sad. I was extremely exhausted and just wanted to lay down. It was going to be another hour or so before I could lay down and it was almost the evening before I felt like eating but I got Fat Dog 70 under my belt. 

Huge thanks for Heather & Peter for putting together this race, it learned a lot about myself during this run. Thanks to all the volunteers who help make this race possible. Thanks to Debra, Laddie & Julie for letting me tag along. Thanks to Bayly, Gareth, Katherine, Nigel, Sean, Nancy, Kyndra & Pheadra for all your support and encouragement and for letting me be Mr. Complainypants. Thanks to Sammy, Tim & H for being there in spirit, I'm still not sure if any of you where thinking of me during the race but I sure felt your presence. Probably the biggest thanks goes to my little buddy Dustin, without you I wouldn't have finished like I did. I owe this race to you.

On to Squamish, looking forward to seeing you Gary.